its been ages since i last posted something here. Well, too many things happened in my life recently. too many to be listed here. I seem to lose the sparks in writing. my vocabs are very limited too. i guess i have to practice my english more if i dont want to lose it. or i should read more books. interesting books i mean.

maybe i'll blog about my life some times later. well, no one been reading my blog pun..takpa,just for my benchmark of what happen in my life ja..for future reference giteww..

so i decided to let go. InsyaAllah, i wont talk about him anymore anyway.

just so you know, nabilah..its ok to be alone.
well you are never alone. ALLAH is always with you no matter how hard the life you are going through.
TRUST ALLAH. insyaAllah.

Happy birthday to me!

it finally hits me that I am already 22 years old today!what have I achieved at the age of 22??none that benefits the society I supposed!dont worry, i'll work on that in time, insyaAllah :-D

So, alhamdulillah, praised to Allah that I am still alive and breathing now. Thank You for countless of blessings You've showered me with. Thanks for my parents,my family,my bestfriends,my friends,my life and the list goes on!! I could never thanked You enough for EVERYTHING!

and to my surprise, he remembers my birthday!in fact, he was one of the earliest among my friends who wished me last night!and that made my one whole day :-D or it could last for a week!!!hahaha

Footnote : growing older means getting closer to death. Be prepared, nabilah!

less than nine hours until my 22nd birthday. i wanna see how many people actually remember my birthday. i hid my birthday on facebook. this is the only way to know who's who in my timeline friend list. let see how many my actual friends is.

...of what i feel inside

theres just too much memories i have with him. its hard for me to get him off my mind if whatever i do everyday relates me to him. even listening to a song, i have memory with him too. getting to know the fact that he is freaking serious with his relationship right now, it bothers me a bit. i know i am not for him, i HAVE to and  OUGHT to forget him and accept him as one of my bestfriends as that is what he always say.

its ok, i let go.HE might have reserved me someone better and its just a matter of time.

ok fine, lets move on. NEXT!!

Tears and joy

Just to mark the calendar, 29.11.2012 was my convocation for my diploma in civil engineering. I finally have my diploma.my sweat,tears and everything in between.

So my life has been quite manageable so far in terms of studies n stuffs.but still im juggling to manage my time wisely here.

But one thing that is running in my head n my mind is about 'hati dan perasaan'

I actually hate that part cause its kind of tearing me inside.i dont think I should feel that way pun tapi entah,it still bothers.

Kadang I feel stupid for spending my time with him.what if he's not 'the one'??(well I dont even think he's the one pun sebab I dont think he feels the same too) tapi I dont know how to avoid.he keeps coming.

Told you I hate this kind of feeling!urgh sick you know, sick!!

Of palestine and peace.

It has been about two months since I last blogged.well, I just installed this app on my phone that I can blog on the go,so hopefully i'll blog more after this.
Life has been good but of course with some ups n downs which I should not complain more.

While i'm here complaining abt how piles of homeworks could ruin my life, how I dont have time to fold my machine-washed clothes, how lazy I am to go down n buy myself lunch, how I hate being g degree student, how hard I live here without a car to move around, and many other silly and absurd whining about my life rite now-there are other kids on the other side of the world who are fighting for their lives,without having sophisticated weapons to defend themselves against the zionist laknatullah!

Humanity is on the rock!

Killing those innocence kids,slaughtering n burning them to death with no mercy..what are those people thinking??defending themselves?from what??to me,they are nothing but coward.

I should be thankful enough for what I have now.ALHAMDULILLAH.

so muslims,let us pray.pray with all our heart, that the Allah will safe our brothers n sisters out there.thats the least we can do but in shaa Allah could make a huge difference.amin!

shah alam

It has been about two weeks since i set my butt here in Shah Alam. Yes, i got to continue my Degree here. Alhamdulillah I can cope here but obviously Arau served me better than here. I seriously miss my times in Arau. They say Shah Alam has everything but to me, here is plain, dull and hectic. Everyone is like a robot. Too engaged with own responsibilities. The dean of my faculty for me is kind of freaky and illogical. He decided the attendance to be 100% which means we have to attend each and every class without FAIL! That's why I say people here is like a robot that always work 24/7.

Well, I could not say much on that matter or else I'll be bailed. There is no students' voice here. Just because he holds the tittle DEAN OF CIVIL ENGINEERING FACULTY, everyone working under him is afraid of voicing out. I dont think that is rational and obviously it is not FAIR. Okay enough about that, please.

Oh, about my roommates, Alhamdulillah they are all awesome way beyond words. Thank Allah for that, or else I'll be more homesick because I take time to blend well with strangers.

Err,talking about degree, it is seriously hectic here. Everything is super fast and i have to work more on my own. Finding extra informations on the courses I take this semester, the tutorials, the pace that I have to be in line with, those are everything that is totally different from I came from previously. I MISS ARAU so freaking bad. I miss my buddies too. Shafiqah and Afifah. It feels different without them around. But Alhamdulillah we have phones nowadays, the only thing that keeps me in touch with them. Well, I could not complaint more. That is what life is afterall.

so i've been spending my time wisely these past few weeks..finally lah kan,after 2 months of break doing nothing,now at least i've done something productive!yeay me..so my busy days start of when i went to kl,er sri kembangan actually, to bring my grandma there as she wanted to visit her grandson having a new baby..so i brought my grandma there sbb dh takda org nk bwk dia,takkan nk let her travel alone pulak kan..so being a nice me,cewah,i tak jd pergi kerja nelson tu..konon2 berkorban sbb nk bwk tok p jumpak cicit kan..so i went there for 9 days..4 days spent dkt rumah my cousin tolong babysit my nephew n niece..now i miss them already awwww ;( kalau holiday ni makan mmg agenda utama lah kan?so now duduk rumah diam2 diet senyap2..haha..so heres some pictures yg sempat snap during my visit..

burger bakar taman equine..like omg,sedap gilaa!

nasi putih asam pedas-chawan,publika.

baby heidi is sooooo adowable suka senyum jaaa!!

adam mikhael being so proud of his 2 lamborghinies.

these 2 rascals were sooooooo freaking active walopon demam..i miss them now!mikha dh potong rambut afro dia..sayang betul!he said he wants to look handsome like daddy so he has to cut his hair short.

this is seriously a whine..yes im whining here..bukan apa,tp mcm terasa laa jugak over something..i feel like aku yg tersua-sua kalut suruh org p sana p sani..tp i dont know org tu suka ke tak diarahkan ke sana ke sini..tp kalau dh smua jenis buat tak tau ja,so siapa nk menggerakkan kan?so i played my part,contacting everybody to arrange for a meeting sbb kan dh lama tak jmpk catching up n such..n ada jgk org tu ckp dh lama tak jmpk si polan,nk jmpk si polan ni..n i did play my part to gather everyone kan..not once not twice,dh banyak kali ok!!so bila dh jd mcm ni, aku dh malas laa nk arrange apa2 pon lepas ni..n about the backpacking trip tu pon im not gonna take my part dah..dh penat hoping for something that is not gonna happen..xpa,ada rezeki nnt aku backpack lain even without you guys pon kan..xpa laa jgk even mimpi tak jd kenyataan pon drpd rasa down mcmni..its okay..thers always next time,tp im not ever gonna lead that 'next time'..find me when u guys have done discussing..im tired of being org tengah..like seriously!

tadi p pacific dgn mak saja jalan2 mak nk beli tudung..lepas tu p beli air dekat nelsons tu then nmpak ada iklan jawatan kosong..saja laa ringankan mulut tanya kak tu nk pakai org bila?then trus dia ckp,adik mai esok laa..boleh??amboi kak ni,tak menyempat betul..HAHA..terkejut aku tiba2 nk kena p keja esok kan..then aku pon ckp laa kat kak tu,esok tak boleh,15 ni boleh laa..haa then trus kak tu ckp ok,mai keja pkul 1..

haa cmtu jaa aku dpt keja..haha..alhamdulillah laa..yg lawaknya,gaji pon aku tak tanya berapa..nasib laa,jnji aku tak boring duduk rumah..kalau boleh insyaAllah nk keja 2 bulan smpai tgh bulan 8 ni which means before raya..lepas tu nk p jalan2 backpack with friends..insyaAllah,moga2 Allah permudah segala..amin ya rob!

my life has turned up side down for the past few days.my mind is not really at the state of normal..the thought of him keeps bothering my nights..i dont know why but i keep relating things i do or things i saw with him..everything i see through my days are always related to him or things i've done with him..i feel like knocking my head on the wall so that the thought is gone, but i know it never will.what has gotten into me,really? i dont like this kind of things..i can even relate random cars i saw on the road with him.oi,this is bullshit!i hope this weird feelings will fade soon. yes, the sooner the better.im tired of thinking about him to my sleep..

td belek2 folder gmbar yg ada dekat dalam external..lps tu terjumpak gmbar zaman part 3 UiTM..ok tu zaman paling rindu sekali..zaman rempit naik moto dari arau smpai kangar semata-mata nk makan kfc sbb kfc xdak lg dekat arau time tu..n of course lah bukan aku yg merempit sbb aku ni penakut bawak moto walaupun ada lesen..aku pon tak faham mcm mana aku lulus lesen moto dgn sekali test saja..HAHA..mesti laa my dear shafiqah yg rempit.aku naik blakang je..hehehe..rempit bersama skuter ego KCS warna merah!sanggup rempit smpai ke kangar semata-mata nak makan je..lepastu msa the first ever SECRET RECIPE in PERLIS bukak dkt kangar pon kami rempit jugak just to eat chocolate lava!!gila tak gila..sanggup rempit about 20 minutes just to eat!ohh rindunyaaaaa zaman naik moto dulu2..

ok dah.tu je nk ckp sebenarnya.tp malu nk ckp depan2..hik hik hik *sepak muke sendiri.kbye

lately i feel soooooo freaking lonely i dont even know why..i dont talk much nowadays..i can even count how many words i spoke on a particular day..i dont feel like talking and that freaks the hell out of me!!i am more to typing like what I AM DOING right now!!i spill almost every single thing i feel about anything on twitter and facebook and this blog too..i even connect with my friends through the net..who is to blame on this matter?am i becoming anti-social due to being toooooooooooo attached to social network sites??

bila dekat rumah ada wifi and masing2 terperuk dlm bilik masing2 tak keluar2 dah unless for food,mcmni laa jadinya..ckp dgn mak hari2 pon boleh kira dgn jari berapa patah perkataan yg keluar daripada mulut ni..haih..i dont want this to happen.like seriously, i dont want!i want my life like what i had when i was small, when i was in school, when i was with my friends living under the same roof..i dont like being who i am today.seriously i dont!

my current life revolves around no one but myself, my sister and my parents..the only time i communicate with my mom is when we are in the car, either me fetching her from school or whenever she asked me to bring her somewhere she wanted to..as for my dad, xpayah ckp laa..mmg plg byk ckp pon time nk suruh aku bangun pagi n breakfast ja..n ptg2 time dia nk suruh aku sapu smpah or beli makanan..tu jaa..kakak aku yg sorang tu,LAGIIILAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA susah even nk tgk muka pon..balik kerja terus terperuk dlm bilik..hmm me? the rest of time is spent in my room..kalau tak online, baca novel..lps mgrb,terus duduk dlm bilik tak keluar2 dh smpai esok pg pulak!

thats how pathetic my life is right now..tp bersyukur sbb masih lagi bernafas ni bumi tuhan ni..ALHAMDULILLAH..xsabar nk tunggu mak cuti sekolah sbb boleh p jalan2 so that i can communicate with REAL people..not virtually like i always did nowadays!!i want my normal life back, please!

i seriously don't know how to put this into words..i don't know since when it struck but it did struck and never wanted to leave..even if it leaves, the scars will always be there..

insyaALLAH

it is such a happy happy happy news and i am soooooooo freaking happy for my cousin as she was offered to pursue her degree in ACCA from Dublin School of Business..alhamdulillah.i am so proud  of her but at the same time, i am sooooo freaking envious!she is of my age and just finished her diploma in accounting in kolej universiti insaniah,just an ordinary college but mungkin Allah bagi rezeki kt dia, and Allah bukak jalan untuk dia ke overseas..Alhamdulillah for her..

TAPI, a big fat massive disappointment for me as i was a bit late to fill the forms to several uni overseas sbb kebanyakkannya dah smpai deadline..xpa, mungkin kalau aku yg dpt pergi sana, maybe aku tak boleh survive alone..iman pon xberapa nak tebal mana, jd mungkin Allah tak bg rezeki untuk ke sana lg sebab aku belum bersedia mental,fizikal,emosi dan yg paling penting IMAN belum penuh di dada..siapa tau kalau aku dpt kesana sekarang, mungkin aku tak boleh score or jd terpesong (Nauzubillah hi min zalik) kan? insyaAllah Allah maha pemurah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim, mungkin rezeki aku datang dlm bentuk lain..mungkin Allah simpan untuk alam pekerjaan nanti..atau, rezeki dari segi suami mithali mungkin..siapa kita to predict these kind of rezeki kan? insyaAllah, put your trust on HIM..you have HIM even if you never obey HIM..rezeki, jodoh, ajal maut semua tu rahsia ALLAH..so PRAY AND NEVER STOP PRAYING!

it's already MAY..cepat betul masa jalan kan?sedar tak sedar,dah sebulan lebih aku duduk rumah doing nothing..wasting my time almost doing nothing but online..as i said before,bukan takmau kerja..nk kerja tp rsa mcm berat nk kerja sbb kalau kerja nnt my time will be limited..aku rsa smua org mcm aku kan?x suka kena kongkong and can't do what you WANT to do..betul tak??dah penat fikir pasal bnda ni..tak jugak selesai selesai..tp at least, i've make my move..dh try jual online..tp baru sikit je customer..tp syukurlah kan drpda takdak lgsung..hmm bnda ni kan takes time?hopefully lama2 nnt terjual laa smua bnda2 yg aku nk jual tu kan?insyaallah, kalau nawaitu ikhlas,ALLAH permudahkan jalan kan??insyaallah!!hwaiting nabilah!!