it is just too hard to endure.i've been putting too much effort on something i strongly dislike to make me understands it, AT LEAST.but all the effort i've put all this while were wasted and doesnt even worth it.it is such a pain for me not to be able to do something i hate but at the same time making me love it.a pain in the heart.i know u wont understand this but at least,have a mercy on me.all the hard works are REGRET.yes, a total regret,bullshit,useless,nonsense, you name it.